


Hourglass

by thedeviltohisangel



Category: Band of Brothers (TV 2001)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28754694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedeviltohisangel/pseuds/thedeviltohisangel
Summary: Normally the sound of her voice brought, at the very least, happiness. It meant he could put down the walls and smile and laugh and not worry about someone judging him for every action he made. But right now he wasn’t in the mood. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to drink and wallow and feel bad for himself. She would never let him wallow.
Relationships: Lewis Nixon/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	Hourglass

“Nix? You in here?” Normally the sound of her voice brought, at the very least, happiness. It meant he could put down the walls and smile and laugh and not worry about someone judging him for every action he made. But right now he wasn’t in the mood. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to drink and wallow and feel bad for himself. She would never let him wallow. He splashed some cold water on his face as he heard her footsteps coming up the stairs.

“In here,” he called back. No point in trying to avoid her now.

“Hey. Just came to check in. Speirs said you looked a little...forlorn.” Ron had actually said Nixon looked like shit. “Jump not great?”

“I made it out. Two others behind me made it out. Others got blown up over Germany somewhere.” She noticed his hand was shaking as he poured another glass of Vat 69. 

“Sorry to hear that.” 

“Oh, well. Wasn’t me!” He threw the empty bottle into the trash then stalked out of the room. 

“Nix-”

“No, El, I don’t have the capacity for your psychological probing tonight.” Ella stopped behind one of the chairs around the table he was sitting at. 

“It’s either I do it or Dick does it.” She knew the man in question was on his way right now. Intending to tell Nixon about his recent demotion. Ella had asked Dick to let her go first. Maybe she could soften him up or help him anticipate the blow. Didn’t seem like she would be able to do either.

“I don’t want to see him. How about you leave and go tell him that?” She let him down two more glasses of whiskey before speaking.

“Please don’t speak to me like that. You’ve had a crap day and too much to drink but I deserve more than that tone right now.”

“Stop behaving like a fuckng princess or whatever it is you are. The world sucks and sometimes people don’t bow to you.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry and she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of her leaving. 

“Why do you do this to me?” Ella was getting tired. Tired of Lewis Nixon and all the baggage that went along with him. Tired of long nights filled with whispers and gentle touches. Tired of those mornings being filled with him not remembering. Tired of having to remind him he was married and he shouldn’t tell Ella how much he loved her and wanted to marry her. Tired of Nix getting drunk and twisting the knife into her ribs she had trusted him with.

“Because you can’t take the hint that I don’t want to be around you. I don’t love you. Maybe I never did. Let me live out the rest of this war in peace, Ella.” Nix knew the only reason he held himself together while saying those words was because of the alcohol in his glass. Otherwise he’d be shaking like he did back in Bastogne. Would have shed more than a few tears. He knew, and she knew, that he didn’t mean those words anymore than he meant any words he said when he was drunk. But Nix couldn’t spend one more moment around her without wanting to burn the world down so they could be together. Pushing her away was the only way to put down the torch.

“Well, sadly, Lewis Nixon...I love you.” Her words hit him one at a time, each blow being absorbed individually, as she walked slower out of the house than she had in. Heavier footsteps followed her retreating ones. No doubt Dick had decided to make his entrance after seeing the woman with her head hung so low.

“Hey.”

“I told her I didn’t love her. Never did.” Dick didn’t even need to ask. 

“Was it you or the Vat 69 talking?”

“Both. I’m married, remember?” People in the Nixon family didn’t get divorced. People in her family didn’t marry men who had been married before. It wouldn’t have worked even if they tried.

“I thought we were all forgetting that,” Dick noted sarcastically. He had made that same point to his friend more times than he could count. Each time it was waved and explained away.

“It’s for the best we both stop seeing each other. In any capacity.” He took the last bit from the bottle.

“Maybe it’s for the best you stop that too.” Everyone had noticed that the drinking was beginning to be too much. That Nix was slowly but surely slipping away.

“At least now that she’s gone I don’t have to be ganged up on all the time.” Nix stood angrily from the chair and moved back towards his bedroom. What he needed was a nice long sleep. Maybe to never even wake up again.

“How long do you think that will last?”

“Excuse me?” Nix asked with an edge to his voice that was entirely on purpose.

“As soon as you sober up, you’ll be asking her to take you back.” He did it all the time. And every time he said it was the last time and every time Ella said next time she wouldn't take him back. Dick had watched the toxic cycle repeat over and over the past few months. Try as he might, he knew there was no stopping them. Maybe in a convoluted way, they were meant to be together. But this was no backdrop for it. This was no way to live or love.

“I’m so sick of people acting like they know me. Saying they know me better than I know myself. Ella and I are not meant to be together. We were not made for each other to have in this lifetime. I’ve accepted that, Dick. Watching those boys die today made me realize that I should stop trying to force my way into her life. Stop trying to force her into mine.” He collapsed onto his bed and hung his head. “We aren’t always meant to be with our soulmates. Sometimes loving someone isn’t enough.” Oh but Nixon knew it was quite the opposite. That he loved Ella too much. That is was all encompassing and sometimes suffocated him. That touching her was like touching a pan on a stove top. It burned and lingered. If he allowed himself to love her, truly love her the way he wished to, they’d burn out. And that would hurt even more.

  
  
  
  


“The press keep hounding me on when you’ll be in a safe enough place for them to interview you again. The magazines back home have you on every cover and they want more.” Ella rolled her eyes as she lit a cigarette and continued to stomp her way through the streets of Germany. 

“Can’t you remind them this is a war?” She was fully aware that the government had signed off on her trip to the frontline because of the glorified nature the coverage would take. The last name Ford meant cameras followed where she went. It meant she had had no problem procuring a lipstick or a clean dress. But the men around her had been unable to secure a hot meal or warm coat. It felt wrong. 

“No. I can’t.” 

“That’s an unacceptable answer, Mr. Perry. Either you manage the hounds on your end or I will light them on fire when they get too close. Is that understood?” She was in no mood to play politics with media magnates hundreds of miles away. She didn’t want to blame her mood on Lew but she was. Fighting with him took so much out of her. His words also cut to a level where it felt like pieces of her were being removed. Right now she was like a wounded animal who needed somewhere quiet and dark to heal. 

“Miss Ford-” She shut the door behind her before her handlers could follow her into the building she had been using as refuge the past couple of days.

“How’d that go?” It was Ron, the reason she had found herself wandering Nixon’s way in the first place. She wonders if Dick was able to talk to him. How he was taking the news of his demotion. Then she remembered she didn’t care anymore and shook the thought from her mind.

“Nix and his jump or the demons that follow me around all day?” She flicked her current cigarette to the side and lit a new one.

“Both.”

“Well the jump was a disaster and Lewis Nixon wishes to never see me again-”

“El-”

“-and the papers back home want another interview and photo call with me but I just don’t think I can do that anymore. I don’t think I want to be here anymore. In fact, I think I am quite ready to go home.” It was as if saying the words out loud made them make perfect sense. That was that and her mind was made up. She would start packing her bag right now.

“I don’t know him that well but I doubt he meant what he said.” Ron followed her into her room and felt helpless as she started shoving things into bags.

“That’s the thing. I’ve had it completely backwards. I thought he was his most honest when he was sober but today I’ve realized that that is not when he is his true self. He is his truest self when he is drowning in whiskey. Those are the moments when he has lied to me. Today was his first time telling me the truth.” She felt unwanted. Like a scrap no one wanted. All she was good for was parading around in pretty dresses and smiling for the cameras. Everyone wanted a piece of her image but no one wanted the real her.

“If it’s any consolation, the rest of the guys like you a lot.” She had to smile at that. For some reason she had been drawn to Ron and the rest of Easy. She recognized the same outcast in them she had in herself. They were a band of misfits but that is what kept them so close together. Bonded them for life. She considered herself lucky to get to experience that if only for a moment in time.

“It is. Thank you, Ron.” She took one last deep breath, shouldered her bag and marched back the way she had come. The group of bloodthirsty monsters she had left were still there waiting for.

“Ma’am, we-”

“I’ve made a decision, Mr. Perry. I’m ready to go home. The press can feast on me from the states.”

  
  
  
  


Reading that Kathy wanted a divorce was harder to process than Nix thinks it should’ve been. By all accounts, it had been the news he had been waiting for. The puzzle piece he had only let him think would fall into place in his darkest moments. It was hard to be confronted with something you told yourself would never happen. He had no idea how to react. Who should he tell first? Ella? Well that bridge had been burned. Dick? No. He would tell Nix to tell Ella. But his inability to divorce Kathy had been one of the exact reasons he cited for her to never see him again. He wouldn’t be able to tuck his tail far enough between his legs.

“What’s that?” Dick noticed the look on Nix’s face. It was one that said he wasn’t really there. That is mind was so far away it might be worth trying to get it back. 

“She’s divorcing me. Kathy. Well, she wants one. And she’s taking the kid and the dog. Which doesn’t make any sense because it’s my goddamn dog and she hates that dog-”

“Nix.” Even though Dick loved him like a brother, he didn’t have all the time in the world to listen to his ramblings. “Are you going to give her what she’s asking for?”

“I don’t have a fucking choice, do I? I’m here and she’s there.” He ripped a cigarette from his breast pocket, the lighter needing some coaxing before it finally flared to life and gave him some relief. “Do I tell Ella?” Dick knew what he was really asking. After all the shit I’ve put her through, are we really meant to be together?

“Colonel Sink told me she’s being put on the first flight back to the states.”

“What? That’s not possible.” Nix knew for a fact she always said she wanted to be with the men when it all ended. Be with him. Celebrate with him. 

“Whatever you said to her the other night made her decision all the easier. Apparently, her presence is merely a distraction from the important task at hand. And she could better serve her country lobbying for war bonds back home than stealing rations from the soldiers on the front line.” Dick said the words in such a bland way that Nix almost wasn’t able to process them. All he knew was that she was leaving. She was leaving and it was because of him. 

“What do I do, Dick? Let her go or ask her to stay?” Nix knew it was love but he also knew that love wasn’t always enough. Ella deserved better but he was a selfish man. He needed her more than he ever had ever needed whiskey. There was no victory for him if she wasn’t there for it. The letter in his hands was a sign that there was a piece missing in his puzzle. He had forced his marriage to try and fit into it. But he had been wrong. It had been in his pocket this entire time. He just hadn’t had the courage to put it where it belonged. But now he did. He had no choice.

**Author's Note:**

> accepting requests for this universe


End file.
